The Children are Confused

When I became a teacher, all those years ago, I was told that it's important to use your natural talents to your advantage in the classroom.  This brought to mind a flood of images. 

-- The cool, good looking, mid-thirties male teacher, playing his way cool version of School House Rock on his guitar to a group of adoring fifth graders.

-- The artistic English teacher with a room so expertly decorated in such fine detail that you have to wonder if the kids even notice or care that the apples on the tree all contain adjectives and the peaches have prepositions.

--  The former probation officer who can tell the difference between a kid being "sleepy" in class and being "sleeeeepy" in class (knwImsayin?).  BTW, that's a good teacher to have next door.

Well I don't play the guitar, I can't draw, and they all look high to me, so I figured I would have to capture  them with my charms, my loving nature and my amazing sense of humor.  First year teachers know nothing. 

I found out very quickly that they didn't get me.  They didn't get me when I tried to be funny, they still don't get me even when I'm not trying to be funny, just making fun of them.  It would be so much fun if some of these kids could actually pick up what I'm laying down when I have my sarcastic days...which is every day.  The blank stares just make me feel old and boring, even though I know that they're mostly just young and stupid.  It seems like my subtle jabs and (what I think are) hilarious comments are wasted on these kids. 

Maybe this is what I get for being a sarcastic teenager with a bunch of teachers who didn't get me.  Full circle, I guess...I just had a realization.  Someday, chances are, I am going to have to deal with a sarcastic teenager who is somehow exacting revenge on the behalf of all the adults I tortured in my youth.

" I learned it by watching you, Mom!  I learned it by watching you!"

Thoughts and Wonderings About Ramen

1. Why do they call it Top Ramen?  Is there a Bottom Ramen, because I wouldn't want to eat that.

2. Ramen NEVER tastes as good if you try to make it in the microwave.  It seems like a food like Ramen should be well-suited for a thing like the microwave.  Although they do have Cup-O-Noodles, which is microwave friendly.

3.  Is Cup-O-Noodles considered Ramen?

4.  The old cliche of  "tastes like chicken" rings true with Ramen.  It doesn't matter what "flavor" you buy.  Really, you shouldn't waste your time wondering what "flavor" to choose.  "Flavor" is not a factor when it comes to Ramen.

5.  I think I'm too old to be eating Ramen.

I'm trying to do what??

My 5th period is impossible.  I heard horror stories about them when I came back from maternity leave, after they'd had Ms. Jones as their sub, who is a very nice older lady but didn't have much of a handle on discipline issues.  I knew I had to come out of the gate pretty fierce with this group, and for the most part, I've handled up on them pretty well.  Hell, I had a student today ask me why I had to be "the second strictest teacher at Hood" which, I must admit, I was proud to hear.  The whiny comment validated the fact that I've got them where I want them. 

As good as I've felt about taming most of my classes who spent three months playing and not learning ANYthing, my 5th period has managed to continue to frustrate me on a regular basis.  They are my largest and probably smartest group, and having them at the very end of the day does not help matters.  They are crazy nuts. 

I have been warned over and over that when the principal visits classrooms he wants to see group work, cooperative learning and group work, so I have complied and made sure that we are in groups for most class periods.  I finally realized that I could give a damn what the Man wants, my last period will no longer be working in groups.  After separating ALL the friends and putting my 5th period in their new seating chart today, another teacher who was in the room with me caught a note being passed across the room, from one friend to another.  When she took the note and read it to me, I had to pretend to be offended, when I actually wanted to smile and pat this little girl on the head for her amazing creativity.

The note:

"Why did Mrs. Rutherford separate us?"
"Because she's trying to bring back slavery.  She wants to separate the blacks and the mexicans."

First of all, I'm not sure how separating "the blacks and the mexicans" is slavery but okaaaay, and second, this baby girl was separated from her two friends who had both just had parent conferences.  Somehow, she wasn't seeing the behavior aspect of the new seating chart or that these three musketeers are the worst of the whole class, only my blatant racism for putting her on the opposite side of the room from her buddies.  HER parent conference is tomorrow morning, and I'm looking forward to what her mother thinks about her daughter's latest insights.

"Mom, your friends are weeeeeird"

I watched our wedding DVD this morning.  As I sat there, I was imagining 10 years in the future when the wedding is brought up during dinner conversation and Hazel finds out that there's a video.  Of course she'll want to watch it, and of course I will let her.  Although the "F" word is uttered a few times and some drunk party guests discuss boobs, baby-making and being admittedly drunk, I will not be able to deprive her of the experience.  The speeches were so touching and our friends and family, though inappropriate at times, were so amazingly funny and candid that I laughed out loud and shed more than a few tears, even though I've seen it before and experienced it all just a year and a half ago.  There was nothing that I would have changed about that night, and the video really captures what a great event it was.

I wish that there were videos of my parents starting out, or my early childhood, or anything that could connect me to that time since I don't remember most of it.  I would love to be able to see what Mom and Dad were like when they were in their twenties, or what I was like as a toddler.  For that reason, we bought a video camera right before Hazel was born and I can't think of a more precious gift to give her when she's older than  the opportunity to tap into her past and watch herself rolling over for the first time, walking, saying her first words, playing t-ball with her friends and going to Kindergarten.  Of course, when she's watching the wedding video, I will probably be holding my hands over her ears.